Adamantine Myers: Chapter 5

Cinco

Fragments

“Anyone here?” We called out but there was no caretaker.

Surprisingly, the gates were open. It was heavy and screeching when I tried to open it. Then…

“HALT! WHO GOES THERE?” An elderly voice cried out.

“Don’t show any fear” Ryan comforted.

“It’s ok…we’re just from the camp…they sent us here for a mission”

“Is that so?”

The wind blew stronger and WOOOOSH! An old thin man with messed up grey hair flickered in front of us.

“Campers  eh? No I.D, No Entry…that’s the rule boys.”

“Show him our I.Ds” I asked Ryan. He handed them out to the caretaker.

“Welcome to St. Marcellin’s School of Arts…or what’s left of it…and please keep your mouth shut, classes are going on…” He said that with an eerie grin at the end of his statement, or what seemed more like a warning.

That gave us chills, and I don’t know what we were thinking, but suddenly, we held hands. As if our hands were automatically attracted to each other. He had this simple frightened reaction on his face…he looked scared, but he still seemed princely. I could imagine my reaction, I’m sure I looked hilarious.

So we continued walking along the corridors. It seemed quiet…that is when a hint of light from our torch lightened a part of a classroom…that’s when scary figures started to appear. Ghosts of Teachers at the blackboard, talking and students…some listening, but most of them doing pointless things. I know we were supposed to be scared, and we were actually, at first, but to think that these innocent children died in a gruesome manner, that kind of made me and Ryan more sad than scared.

BOOOOM! There was a loud explosion…the subtle images we saw just turned into an uproar, the teachers and students rushed outside as some rebels rallied down some people pushing them and ultimately killing them.

“This happens every night…souls going over and over on the last day they ever lived…you know when you’re dead, everything turns around, night becomes day, and sometimes, because of anger, wrong becomes right. But Don’t worry about them, they’re just fragments, they’ve all really moved on, fragments just stay and repeat the pattern on that awful day because of the negativity that remained…what you should really be scared about is the spirit that haunts this school, the librarian”

The caretaker showed us the way to the library as spirits pass by our warm bodies.

“Why do you think the librarian continues to haunt this school?” I asked the caretaker.

“You see, the librarian was believed to be pregnant, with father Mercius’ child. Only the three of us knew that…and oh she’s an angry ghost alright. She was the one who forbade any monks to enter her hell. She believed Father Mercius abandoned her. You can’t blame the monk though, if you were a spiritual guy like him, impregnating an innocent lady is a huge offense, and well, he did kind of lied low from the school. Everyone looked at him as the school’s fortress. And he just stayed at his monastery while his school was under attack.”

“You’re wrong, he tried to comeback, but the other monks would have prevented him. He tried to come back many times after the attack, but the souls prohibited him and the other monks. His dead now…and he wanted us to give this to the librarian.” I explained.

“Tell that to her”

“Adam, look” Ryan asked.

We were on the Fifth Floor of the school, and we were already standing right outside the library.

We opened the door and looked up at nobly decorated walls of the room. Books were scattered everywhere. 

“Imogen?”

“Imogen show yourself! It’s me Renden West…your old friend!” The caretaker called her.

CrAAANK!! Books from the shelves started to fall…

“Who’s with you?” A woman’s voice cried out and echoed in the room.

“Just campers…from the other side of the river…Mercius sent them…”

“MeeeeeEEEEERCIUSSS?????? DON’T YOU EVER SAY THAT NAME AGAIN!”

Then a scary Woman Rushed toward the caretaker.

She was wearing a maroon maternity, her belly was already big, and her hair was dark and long. Though she was fierce, she looked beautiful. No wonder the monk fell for her.

“He promised to take care of my baby…and what did he do…he left us, and hid in his precious shell”

“That’s not true…he tried to come back…and in fact, he told us to give this to you, and tell you that he treasured this dearly, I believe this rosary belongs to you” I couldn’t believe Ryan said that as he handed the rosary to the librarian.

“God first” she sighed.

“Whuuuut was that?” I frightfully asked.

“God first”, I gave this to him, and told him to put God first, as long as he would take care of my baby. Too bad he didn’t get a chance.

“He would love to see you in heaven now…all he asks is forgiveness” I supposed.

“Heaven? You mean he’s….”

“Yes maam, and he’d like to see his baby there with you”

There was a moment of silence as she comes into a phase of enlightenment. Her anger seemed to lower down…

“After all these years Imogen, you were mad ‘coz of your own advice to him…I know you loved him, but sometimes love means you have to let go for him to find his own destiny, and his destiny is to be with God, and yours too, if you only learn to let go. “ The caretaker actually made a good point.

“I am ready now…where should I go?”

“Well you usually follow the light, that’s how they do it in the movies…” I said.

“Thank you…and may your love for each other last forever…”

“What?? Huh? No, we’re not ummm…”

“I See him…Mercius…together, at last”

“ummmmm…okay…thanks!” I exclaimed.

“I suppose I’m next…well, I’ll leave you two lovebirds alone…you know the way out”

“What? You’re a ghost too?”

“Yeah I am, I was the first one to be killed by those menaces…I used to be the security guard, and the reason I couldn’t move on was because I was the one who foolishly opened the gates for them…I didn’t know…and now that the anger’s been relieved, we can finally say goodnight.”

“What about the fragments?” Ryan asked.

“Well, forgiveness has uplifted the impression on this place, so I guess you won’t be seeing any flashbacks anymore. Thank you lovebirds, watch each other’s backs okay?”

“Were not…together” I said.

“Well, you look nice together.”

And so they disappeared. And like what the caretaker said, there were no more flashbacks, just empty, dark and a lighter atmosphere.

Questions and Assumptions:

Sometimes letting go is the only way to save yourself from drowning…

Love hurts, if it’s too heavy let it go…

I think I lost myself when we were still together…

What’s the point of holding on, if the load’s just for me to carry?

But who’s to blame for every hurt and tears that don’t seem to disappear?

But why cry out for the last heartbeat which you could no longer hear?

-          Excerpt from the Emo Book

Adamantine Myers Chapter 3

       TRES

The Camp

I found myself in the most unexpected place…though I lost myself in the battle of my academics; I won the hearts of those who looked up to me, and for the first time in my life, I felt special…just imagine how you’d feel when charming boys volunteer to carry your bags and treat you like a helpless damsel, although I wasn’t completely helpless. Oh yes…we just called ourselves “the soda clan”, the idea came out during that afternoon at the field, we were drinking soda drinks, and decided to name our new found brotherhood.

Days passed…we spent more solemn moments together under that dead tree, it was too far away from all the hustle and bustles of the school, and sometimes, we’d lay on each others’ laps, as if we were sweet boyfriends. I made sure I had time for them despite my predetermined schedule with Mrs. Strum…we’d even spend some extra time together after swimming practice…it was almost I had given them half of my senior life already. But I’ve completely paid no attention to Ryan Allaster…maybe it was because I was too preoccupied with having such nonsense feelings towards another boy, or maybe because he had always been too distant, too quiet, so I didn’t bother him, “he’s nothing”.

December…

It was already cold, I had my jacket on layered on top of my uniform when the principal announced during the morning assembly that there will be a three day camp for any interested students at the mountains for the Christmas break, my classmates thought it was odd, “why would they hold a camp at the middle of this freezing season?”…”why can’t they?” I smothered…I asked them if they wanted to go, they answered, “we’d be preparing for the qualifying exams on January”…Boring…so I thought, it was our last year in high school, and they’d lock themselves in for Christmas break…

So I asked my brothers if they wanted to go, turned out, they were already planning on asking me. Of course I was excited, three days away from school? With them? I started packing that night.

I arrived early at the rendezvous, the buses were already there, and I noticed Ryan getting in with his classmates, I presumed JB, Joey, Skandar and David already got in. I was startled by the riot I thought I created when I climbed the bus, my boys were yelling “Adam! Seat here!” “here Adam! Seat with me”…I passed by Ryan, he was again smiling eerily at me, so I gave him a sweet smile back, “This is going to be an interesting ride”…David was more enthusiastic when he called for me, so I sat beside him. He caught my attention.

It took about an hour ‘till we were able to reach the campsite. It was in the middle of a forest, wet grounds, cold climate and all, then I noticed the extravagant preparations the organizers had mad, colourful flags welcomed us, and there were guides who directed us towards our tents, I was a senior I had to sleep where the seniors are, though I felt disappointed as I expected to be with my clan.

It was a good thing though that I still got to sleep with two of my co-swimmers so I didn’t worry about introducing myself. We were asked to proceed at the activity hall for the program proper. We were given a card that carried our name, and at the back, was a chart of the fifteen tasks we have to accomplish before the end of the camp.

I had lunch with my brothers, including some of their classmates, and Ryan, but I paid more attention with my extended family, and thanks to them, I got acquainted with more students, thanks to their zealousness. Afterwards, we began doing the tasks together, again I became their coach, and it seemed like their entire class followed too.

My brothers and I talked about me moving to their quarters, I was convinced no one would notice, and besides, there were no camp rules that determined a specific quarters to sleep in, so technically, I wasn’t violating any rules. Then I transferred my things to their quarters, I saw Ryan resting, next to him was another one of his classmates, they were about a few distance away from their classmates.

I decided to go out of their room as it seemed like I was barging in to what was I assumed an “intimate moment”.

The day ended, and we were about to have dinner around the bonfire. I spent the whole day with my “clan” and we’ve already accomplished 5 tasks together. Ryan and his special friend, Clyde were still distant from all of us. They seemed to enjoy their own world.

Barbecue for dinner, under the stars, around a bonfire, and with my boys, nothing could’ve been more perfect. We sang and stomped our feet to the beat of the drums around the fire. It was already ten PM, and we were asked to accomplish two tasks before bedtime. And we have to do it by pair, and to find a partner, we’d have to be blindfolded and find the first person who’d catch us first, and shout “HO HEY!!!”

And so the camp leaders blindfolded us, and we waited for the camp master’s signal. “Alright campers, listen, before starting your tasks, I want you to know, that your partner for tonight we’ll be the same partner you’ll have for the tasks tonight until tomorrow evening, they will also serve as your guardian, so if anything happens to you, your partner will be held accountable for. So whoever you may fall into, watch their backs, ‘coz you’ll be dealing with dark forces and grave consequences the entire camp. And please remember, teamwork encompasses any obstacle, but the love for your teammate overcomes any failure. First team to finish first gets free chocolates!! On three! Turn around then find your partner!!! ONE…TWO…THREE!!!

I could only see the light coming from the bonfire, but everything was dark…I could hear their feet, stomping the rocky grounds. My hands were stretched, so I could easily find my partner. It took a while for me to find one, until…I felt hands, smooth and cold fingers were reaching for mine, I touched the arms and realized it was a boy, he did the same, but it seemed as if he was caressing my arms, till he touched my shoulders, my neck, then he fondled over my face, and sensed my lips. Suddenly he pulled me towards his chest.

“Okay, hold your partners and take off your blindfolds!” the camp master ordered. I moved away from the boy’s warm caress, and took my blindfold off, “YOU???” we both said with great surprise. It was Ryan…the reincarnation of Adonis, the demi god.

“Well you look disappointed…were you vying for someone else? A girl maybe?” I said, though I had a feeling he was looking out for his Buddy Clyde, who’s now with JB. “No” he said with an intense expression of denial on his face.

“Ok, you only need to finish two tasks tonight, each task is different from the other groups, so don’t expect to be seeing your friends tonight, it’s only you and your partner. Now get your maps from your leaders and run as fast as you can!! I hurriedly reached out for a map, but I was caught up on a stampede. Ryan didn’t even help me. When I finally got close to the camp leader, everyone was already running away, so I got the last map that I found on the ground, it was partially torn and withered. “Hope you could read this one” , I gave it to Ryan, he seemed relaxed, while I was panting.

“To accomplish the first task, you need to cross the river to find a chapel, in the chapel, there will be a wake watched over by mourning monks. At the altar, there will be a Dead friar holding a rosary on his chest. Get that rosary without being caught by the mourning monks.” “WhaaaAAAt??? A dead monk’s wake and stealing a rosary? Are they insane?? “ I exclaimed, “That’s what’s written here, look” Ryan replied…

That’s the first task. “NOTE: In the event of being caught, please blow whistle to call out for a camp marshal, if not, proceed to the next task.” “The next task is to go to an abandoned school and look for the librarian, give her the rosary so she would stamp your task chart to validate your accomplishment. An old grey cat will lead you to the abandoned school. Note: Don’t show your fear, they can smell it” “They? Who are they?? What is this? A horror movie?” I cried. Ryan continued reading…”At the school’s gate, give the cat a treat to show your gratitude. Do not call out for anybody except the school’s caretaker, he may be sleeping at the guard’s house beside the gate. Ask him where to find the librarian. NOTE: NO I.D, NO ENTRY, and KEEP QUIET, CLASSES ARE GOING ON. Follow the moonlight to get back to camp.”

“These tasks are unbelievable”

But then I remembered the camp master warning us that we’d be facing dark forces and grave consequences for tonight’s tasks. Yeah right…suddenly, the wind blew cold, that’s when I started to have a bad feeling.

“A solemn cry, deep inside my heart,

The greatest fear you could ever have imagined,

Lingered in me for a while…”

Excerpt from the Emo Book

It was about half past nine, it was already cold, and the trees looked as if they were thin giants swaying with the winter wind. We ran fast ‘till we reached the river bank. The river was wide and calm, and I always knew that calm waters run deep. We only had two problems…there were no boats; and Ryan couldn’t swim. There was only one empty ice box tied on a rope that some campers may have left, and that gave me a silly but effective idea: Let Ryan ride on the box, and me pulling it with the rope.

At first Ryan hesitated, he knows he’s a lot heavier, but among the two of us, I was the varsity swimmer, he had no choice. He still doesn’t like the idea, he didn’t seem to trust how good a swimmer I was. So I took my shirt, plunged the box in the water, and said “C’mon, if something happens to you, I’d be the one to blame, besides, we might be behind the others…I’ll get you through  this time.” So he agreed. He looked kind of funny as he was struggling to fit his long legs bent in the ice box, but I thought he could manage.”

The river was not at all that deep as expected, the deepest part was only shoulder level, although a non -swimmer could have already drowned by slipping. I glanced at Ryan, I saw fear in his eyes, he looked at me and asked “are you ok there?” “Yeah, are you?” I asked him back, we looked at each other for some time as I dragged the box across the middle of the river, then…”Adam!!!” Ryan yelled, I scared the brains out of him by pretending to be drowned, He was worried sick which gave me a little sense of importance.

“Don’t you ever do that again Adam, I didn’t like that at all”, he was really pissed off by my humour and I didn’t expect he was that scared. I swam across that cold murky river, trying to pull the my heavy baggage and fighting the heavy flow of water.

“The moonlight in shadows, like what my heart feels without feelings,

Asking why all tears shed, at the time you said we’re through, how I wish I was dead,

I know that’s what you wanted too…”

-          Excerpt from the Emo Book.

ADAMANTINE MYERS: Introduction

OST to Adamantine myers...by Death Cab for Cutie 

Adamantine Myers

Introduction

‘There isn’t any single rational reason, beyond the vagueness of reality, to wake up in the morning, and having the drive to be all so well, most of all, going to school, and pretending to be alive. Confusing, but true.”

-          Excerpt from the Emo Book.

“Have you ever tried dipping your fingertips in ice cold water? That paralyzing sensation that runs from your fingers, to your shoulders, then suddenly your whole body starts shivering?”

“I have…”

“Only at this very moment, my whole body’s plunged in freezing water. I could hardly feel my hands nor flutter my feet to rise up. But then I thought this might be a good thing,

Because I was deeply aching inside,

But still I was in fact, frozen numb, my heart, nearly…adamantine.”

Call me Adamantine Myers, not my real name, status - single, alone and unhappy. Just imagine how you look like on a usual lazy Sunday; you woke up late, grabbed a cup of coffee, you walked straight to the couch and watched an epic episode of adventure time on cartoon network and paid no attention on any decent practice of personal hygiene, well I mostly look like that, only, I look like that every day, not just on Sundays.

I have a proper excuse for looking fidgety, I’m in college.

Now you might think I’m the most miserable guy on earth based on my description…I just simply thought of the things that could best describe me, so I came up with such fed-up words. Despite me being explicitly wretched, I try not to suck out the fun from everyone. I also see myself quite wild, and I believe I have quite a gratifying humour. Yeah, I know what you think, I’m just one of the “Unpredictable types”.

“Having fun is far different from being happy.”

Honestly speaking…I might sound overtly shallow, but I haven’t been truly happy for three years now, I counted. Ever since I broke up with my first ever “special someone” three years ago, I’ve never experienced another daydreaming because of late night hi’s and early hello’s.

For other people, happiness is being with their families, being rich and wealthy, being successful, or just being fully contented with what they have. You might think I’m too shallow, but happiness for me is being with people or with that “special someone” who loves and cares for me as I do to them.

Whatever right? No one cares. If you’ve been wondering how my life became this fed-up, well it all started at the most awkward years for most of us, HIGH SCHOOL…

I’ve rehearsed a thousand times

To amend this broken heart of mine,

I kept thinking what’s on your mind,

I just can’t hear the words you say behind.

This sacrifice I give to you,

Will light the path in your journey out of the blue,

Whatever happens I’d still love you.

Though I know I’ll get nothing from you,

I’m still hoping for a love that’s true.

-Excerpts from the Emo book

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Dota Pa? (Published in UIC Roots)

 Dota pa?

By: Leo Vincent A. Villanueva

June 28, 2011, maliban sa petsang July 2, 2011 kung s’an sinapak at biniyayaan ng “smokey eyes” ni Mayor Sara Duterte ang isang aroganteng sheriff ng RTC 11, marahil ay ‘di ko rin makakalimuan ang petsang ‘to sa buong buhay ko. Oo, isa ako sa iilan at piling-piling kasama sa isang pangyayaring paminsan-minsan lang naman nangyayari sa kasaysayan ng Davao City.

 Tulad ng ibang trahedyang nangyari, mayroong nakalakip na kuwentong tiyak na makakaantig sa inyong mga puso’t makakapagbukas sa inyong mga isipan.

Kung ‘di ako nagkakamali, nangyari ‘to sa araw ng martes. 7pm nang natapos ang klase ko, tumambay ng konti sa labas, at naglaro ng isang round ng dota. Walang kamalay malay sa paparating na unos…ay hayahay!

Nang biglang bumagsak ang ulan. Sinaklot ng matinding takot at poot ang aking loob, nababalisa at nanginginig ang aking katawan, nakisabay sa bagsik ng panahon ang takot na aking naramdaman. Sa kabila ng matinding buhos ng ulan, ako’y lumusob, hindi ko sinawalang bahala ang aking mga naramdamang hindi ko maipaliwanag. ‘di ko na ininda ang mabasa, basta’t ako’y sumugod nalang, at sumakay ng jeep.

Bangkal, Matina. Dito kami lumipat ng pamilya ko pagkatapos kaming palayasin sa dati naming tinitir’han, wala na talagang perang mailabas ang nanay ko noon, baon sa utang at samut-sari pang mga karaniwang problema ng mga mahihirap na mamamayang Pilipino, at sa sobrang pagiging “karaniwan” tila wala na yatang pag-asa.

Tinanggal ko ang aking sapatos para hindi mabasa, ang aking nag-iisang balat na sapatos na punong-puno na ng bakas ng iba’t-ibang klaseng landas na tinahak, binalot q sa plastic at maingat na ibinitbit. Lampas tuhod na ang inabot ng maruming tubig pagbaba ko sa jeep, malakas ang agos, para akong tinutulak nang sangkatutak na maliliit na tao sa lakas ng agos ng tubig.

Natatanaw ko na ang aming payak na bahay, maingat akong tumawid at lumangoy sa malasapang baha. Alam kong hindi na ako nalalayo sa aming bahay, ngunit parang langit at lupa pa rin ang pagitan ko sa aking tahanan. Inisip ko ang nanay ko, ang kapatid ko, at ang aking pamangkin na sanggol pa lamang, silang palaging nasa bahay, wala namang dahilan upang lumabas, wala namang pera.

Ilang beses silang pumasok sa isipan ko, at alam kong sila rin ang dahilan ng aking matinding pangamba.

Sa aking pagtawid, ako’y sumuko, mga paa ko’y nanghina at ako’y inagos ng tubig. Sinubukan ko muling bumangon at bumalanse, Kailangan kong bumalik sa aking pamilya, at alam kong Kailangan nila ako.

Dumating din ko sa bahay namin, ako’y natakot, wala na roon ang pamilyang aking inaasam-asam. Marahil sa matinding pagod at kawalan ng loob, bigla akong napatumba at nahimatay sa sahig.

Kinabukasan na nang ako’y nagising, huni ng sirena ang gumising sa akin. Kaagad ko silang hinanap, “Nay! Te! Asa na mo?” walang sumagot…”Nay! Te! Asa na mo??” wala pa ring sumagot…

Umabot ako sa evacuation center sa kakahanap sa kanila, doon umasa akong makita sila. Nakita ko ang aking mga pinsan, at iba pang kamag-anak, ngunit walang nanay, ate at pamangkin. May narinig akong mga hiyaw ng mga pusong naghihinagpis sa isang silid. Mga ilang hanay ng nakarolyong banig ang aking nakita, hinila ako ng aking pinsan at binuksan niya ang isa sa mga banig.

Tumakbo ako papalayo, sa ‘sang tabi ako’y umupo’t napayuko, at sa matagal na panahon, ako’y nanalangin, pangalawang buhay para sa aking mahal na pamangkin.

Nick Vujicik

No Arms, No legs, No problem

"Being unstoppable is about believing and achieving. It’s about having faith in yourself, your talents and your purpose and, most of all, in God’s great love and His divine plan for your life."

Millions around the world recognize the smiling face and inspirational message of Nick Vujicic.  Despite being born without arms or legs, Nick’s challenges have not kept him from enjoying great adventures, a fulfilling and meaningful career, and loving relationships.  Nick has overcome trials and hardships by focusing on the promises that he was created for a unique and specific purpose, that his life has value and is a gift to others, and that no matter the despair and hard times in life, God is always present. Nick credits his success in life to the power that is unleashed when faith takes action.

But how does that happen?  In Unstoppable Nick addresses adversity and difficult circumstances that many people face today, including:

·         Personal crises
·         Relationship issues
·         Career and job challenges
·         Health and disability concerns
·         Self-destructive thoughts, emotions, and addictions
·         Bullying, persecution, cruelty, and intolerance
·         Balance in body, mind, heart, and spirit
·         Service to others
From:
http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/13414984-unstoppable

The Art of Moving On...

Insights:

My Personal Technique, works for me...though sometimes I still have some melancholic moments, at least I know I can face that person if ever we see each other again...

1. Return of stuff 

2. Reverse Bittering (read post below on MOVING ON: ramon bautista style)

3. Rebound

4. Revenge ( The best revenge is to live an AWESOME Life)

Keynotes from Bautista's book.

"Tryin to forget someone is like tryin to remember someone you've never met"

"I need some space"

-Huwag ka munang manggugulo, manchichikis muna ako..hahaha"

"THERE'S MORE TO Life than LOVE"

Moving on, Ramon Bautista-style

Philippine Daily Inquirer 2:37 am | Saturday, February 9th, 2013 

http://lifestyle.inquirer.net/88899/moving-on-ramon-bautista-style

Ramon Bautista shares some advice on how to move on after a heartbreak and be an awesome person instead. He has coined a few terms to describe these tips on his show “Tales from the Friend Zone” and his Formspring. Read on and be informed:

The Modular Life System: According to Ramon, one should have many circles, or “modules” in life, and these should not overlap. For instance, your work friends should be different from your “hobby” friends or college friends. In the same manner, one’s romantic relationships should have its own “circle,” so in case it fails, the other modules are still intact and life can still go on.

Preemptive supalpal: When one feels that a friend is about to declare his or her romantic feelings and one doesn’t feel the same way, “preemptive supalpal” is the way to go. Here, the “friend-zoner” casually rejects the other person in a subtle manner so as not to hurt the other’s feelings and, possibly, to save the friendship. One way of doing this is by telling the person “you really are a great friend.”

Counter preemptive supalpal: Self-explanatory, this is how to counter preemptive supalpal attempts. One can do this, for example, by telling the friendzoner that he/she is a great friend, too, and then proceeding to tell him/her about a new crush. Not only can it save the friend-zoned’s self-esteem, it can also be a way to exact revenge on the friend-zoner.

Reverse bittering: After all is said and done, the rejection hurts—a lot. However, one can get over the pain by staying positive. Instead of blaming one’s self for the rejection or failure in the relationship because there is something wrong with him, the person should instead focus on the negative traits of the other person. Rissa Camongol