Adamantine Myers: Chapter 5

Cinco

Fragments

“Anyone here?” We called out but there was no caretaker.

Surprisingly, the gates were open. It was heavy and screeching when I tried to open it. Then…

“HALT! WHO GOES THERE?” An elderly voice cried out.

“Don’t show any fear” Ryan comforted.

“It’s ok…we’re just from the camp…they sent us here for a mission”

“Is that so?”

The wind blew stronger and WOOOOSH! An old thin man with messed up grey hair flickered in front of us.

“Campers  eh? No I.D, No Entry…that’s the rule boys.”

“Show him our I.Ds” I asked Ryan. He handed them out to the caretaker.

“Welcome to St. Marcellin’s School of Arts…or what’s left of it…and please keep your mouth shut, classes are going on…” He said that with an eerie grin at the end of his statement, or what seemed more like a warning.

That gave us chills, and I don’t know what we were thinking, but suddenly, we held hands. As if our hands were automatically attracted to each other. He had this simple frightened reaction on his face…he looked scared, but he still seemed princely. I could imagine my reaction, I’m sure I looked hilarious.

So we continued walking along the corridors. It seemed quiet…that is when a hint of light from our torch lightened a part of a classroom…that’s when scary figures started to appear. Ghosts of Teachers at the blackboard, talking and students…some listening, but most of them doing pointless things. I know we were supposed to be scared, and we were actually, at first, but to think that these innocent children died in a gruesome manner, that kind of made me and Ryan more sad than scared.

BOOOOM! There was a loud explosion…the subtle images we saw just turned into an uproar, the teachers and students rushed outside as some rebels rallied down some people pushing them and ultimately killing them.

“This happens every night…souls going over and over on the last day they ever lived…you know when you’re dead, everything turns around, night becomes day, and sometimes, because of anger, wrong becomes right. But Don’t worry about them, they’re just fragments, they’ve all really moved on, fragments just stay and repeat the pattern on that awful day because of the negativity that remained…what you should really be scared about is the spirit that haunts this school, the librarian”

The caretaker showed us the way to the library as spirits pass by our warm bodies.

“Why do you think the librarian continues to haunt this school?” I asked the caretaker.

“You see, the librarian was believed to be pregnant, with father Mercius’ child. Only the three of us knew that…and oh she’s an angry ghost alright. She was the one who forbade any monks to enter her hell. She believed Father Mercius abandoned her. You can’t blame the monk though, if you were a spiritual guy like him, impregnating an innocent lady is a huge offense, and well, he did kind of lied low from the school. Everyone looked at him as the school’s fortress. And he just stayed at his monastery while his school was under attack.”

“You’re wrong, he tried to comeback, but the other monks would have prevented him. He tried to come back many times after the attack, but the souls prohibited him and the other monks. His dead now…and he wanted us to give this to the librarian.” I explained.

“Tell that to her”

“Adam, look” Ryan asked.

We were on the Fifth Floor of the school, and we were already standing right outside the library.

We opened the door and looked up at nobly decorated walls of the room. Books were scattered everywhere. 

“Imogen?”

“Imogen show yourself! It’s me Renden West…your old friend!” The caretaker called her.

CrAAANK!! Books from the shelves started to fall…

“Who’s with you?” A woman’s voice cried out and echoed in the room.

“Just campers…from the other side of the river…Mercius sent them…”

“MeeeeeEEEEERCIUSSS?????? DON’T YOU EVER SAY THAT NAME AGAIN!”

Then a scary Woman Rushed toward the caretaker.

She was wearing a maroon maternity, her belly was already big, and her hair was dark and long. Though she was fierce, she looked beautiful. No wonder the monk fell for her.

“He promised to take care of my baby…and what did he do…he left us, and hid in his precious shell”

“That’s not true…he tried to come back…and in fact, he told us to give this to you, and tell you that he treasured this dearly, I believe this rosary belongs to you” I couldn’t believe Ryan said that as he handed the rosary to the librarian.

“God first” she sighed.

“Whuuuut was that?” I frightfully asked.

“God first”, I gave this to him, and told him to put God first, as long as he would take care of my baby. Too bad he didn’t get a chance.

“He would love to see you in heaven now…all he asks is forgiveness” I supposed.

“Heaven? You mean he’s….”

“Yes maam, and he’d like to see his baby there with you”

There was a moment of silence as she comes into a phase of enlightenment. Her anger seemed to lower down…

“After all these years Imogen, you were mad ‘coz of your own advice to him…I know you loved him, but sometimes love means you have to let go for him to find his own destiny, and his destiny is to be with God, and yours too, if you only learn to let go. “ The caretaker actually made a good point.

“I am ready now…where should I go?”

“Well you usually follow the light, that’s how they do it in the movies…” I said.

“Thank you…and may your love for each other last forever…”

“What?? Huh? No, we’re not ummm…”

“I See him…Mercius…together, at last”

“ummmmm…okay…thanks!” I exclaimed.

“I suppose I’m next…well, I’ll leave you two lovebirds alone…you know the way out”

“What? You’re a ghost too?”

“Yeah I am, I was the first one to be killed by those menaces…I used to be the security guard, and the reason I couldn’t move on was because I was the one who foolishly opened the gates for them…I didn’t know…and now that the anger’s been relieved, we can finally say goodnight.”

“What about the fragments?” Ryan asked.

“Well, forgiveness has uplifted the impression on this place, so I guess you won’t be seeing any flashbacks anymore. Thank you lovebirds, watch each other’s backs okay?”

“Were not…together” I said.

“Well, you look nice together.”

And so they disappeared. And like what the caretaker said, there were no more flashbacks, just empty, dark and a lighter atmosphere.

Questions and Assumptions:

Sometimes letting go is the only way to save yourself from drowning…

Love hurts, if it’s too heavy let it go…

I think I lost myself when we were still together…

What’s the point of holding on, if the load’s just for me to carry?

But who’s to blame for every hurt and tears that don’t seem to disappear?

But why cry out for the last heartbeat which you could no longer hear?

-          Excerpt from the Emo Book

ADAMANTINE MYERS Chapter 4

QUATRO

The Other Side

I was shivering when we reached the other side. I stood up straight and looked at Ryan, “You ok?”, he responded with a very delicate stare while clenching my shirt as he was getting himself out of the large ice box. Ryan, as strong and bold as he appeared, was staring at me, like he was about to cry…I saw no traces of his trade mark killer smile at that moment, he moved closer to me, I stepped my one foot back, startled of what he was about to do…he caught my arms and hugged me like a little kid missing his Dad. I was surprised, but didn’t think of objecting his deed, I was shivering and cold, and he was warm and soft, Ryan always had that effect on me, his presence, even without him saying a single word, comforts me… until I woke up to reality…

“Ryan! You’ve got some serious issues man…” I pushed his body away from me and retrieved my dry shirt. And we moved on to find the chapel. It wasn’t hard to find it at all, as candlelight flicker its surroundings; it was in the middle of the woods, not far from the river bank.

“dominiiiiiiiii….. patri….benedictum………” we heard the monks singing gibberish hymns and praises, then I realized that the camp masters weren’t joking at all, we’re really in for some supernatural circumstances that night, and I was with an almost useless giant. But I guess I shouldn’t be afraid, they were monks, what’s to fear? And there really was a wake…”remember, we shouldn’t get caught, let’s go around the chapel” Ryan said. He took my cold hands, blew it with his warm breath first, and dragged me. I couldn’t say a word, I was just staring at him entirely until we arrived at the backdoor of the chapel. “Wait, look at that” he said, “It’s a whole monastery at the back…”Go figure, where do you think the monks would sleep at night?” I sarcastically responded.  He smiled. We sneaked ourselves in the candle lit corridors of a small yet brick-old chapel. Religious statues and artefacts filled the entire chapel, which really freaked the both of us. But what could go wrong, we’re Catholics.

“Hey Ry, maybe I should be the one to get the rosary from the dead monk…I’m smaller”

“Alright, but isn’t it bad luck to take something from a dead person?”

“Maybe, but it is our first task…”

“Alright, I’ll watch out for you, be careful.”

It wasn’t really challenging to enter the altar, I assumed the monks were praying with closed eyes so I was able to crouch towards the back of the coffin. I slowly stood up to see the rosary in his chest, when I turned back and saw Ryan signalling…”eh” I didn’t quite understood him, so I looked at the corpse again with my body almost upright. When I looked up, I saw two big eyes in front of me, so I startled and stumbled on my buttocks.

“Another camper I guess” the bearded man approached me, Ryan came running to help me stand up. “What are you up to now? Don’t you know the other side of the river is forbidden?”

“We are sorry sir, ummmmm father, but we were tasked to do something” I clarified.

“Give me that boy” He noticed Ryan holding the map, grasped it and started reading it. “Hmmmm…brave souls are you…the abandoned school, there are entities there we are trying to avoid boys” he said. “Come with me”…he lead us at the back of the altar. “Did you know that this forest was once the town centre? Everyone used to come here…until…” he paused…”yes father?” I asked…”Until the rebels invaded…they killed anyone they come across with, and even attacked the school killing hundreds innocent children…it forced all of the remaining town folks to move down the valley, leaving us monks isolated in this now dark forest.” “I see, tragic” I nodded pitifully.

“I also see that you’re here for Father Mercius’ rosary…”

“Yes father, we need to give it to the school librarian” I told him.

“Hahahahahahaha, the school librarian eh?” He laughed.

“Boy, you’re going to see things you haven’t seen before once you enter that ruins, and you’re right, you badly need a dead monks’ rosary”

“What’s the reason behind that?” Ryan asked.

“ You see, father Mercius used to run that school, and after that tragedy he usually tried to go back there, but he couldn’t…none of us could, the gates wouldn’t open…and our noses and ears would bleed, that is, unfortunately, what happened to Father Mercius.” The monk explained tearfully.

“Why is that father?” I asked.

“Some souls hated us for leaving them behind, we were praying when that happened, we are deeply sorry, we didn’t do anything”

“But the possibility of you going in is huge…because they do not recognize you…they might just let you in. But please bring his rosary, blessed and used by him, it might enable holiness and forgiveness to enter their dark realm, and finally showing them the light.”

“But would it be ok to you father” I asked him.

“Please, do it…”

                So the monk told us to wait for him outside the chapel, and he’ll be the one to get the rosary from Father Mercius’ chest.

                We did what the monk has said…we were relieved by the unexpected and eerie events that happened. Outside, the wind became thick and frosty, and the night creatures became louder. We were crossing our hands around our chests, we were trying to warm ourselves when the monk arrived at the entrance aisle, he called us, and we approached him. “Please, give this to her, and tell her Father Mercius treasured this dearly” the monk said and gave us a comforting smile and blessing before he turned around.

“Wait father, we forgot to ask your name!” I called him back…

“It’s Mercius”

                GOOSEBUMPS! . “What a night” Ryan said, “Oooooh, I think it’s just beginning, look!” I pointed at an old grey cat approaching us, if anything could get any weirder.  I noticed it has different colours on each eye, the left eye’s yellow, the right was blue. Peculiar.

                The cat passed right through us to the darker side of the woods. “The instruction is to follow him…should we?” Ryan asked, I nodded and agreed to follow the cat. So we walked again towards our next task, to give the rosary to the librarian. Ryan was always silent, I know it was quite normal, since we weren’t really that close, but I always feel awkward walking with him, specially alone in the dark, just like the times we walked together after a session with Mrs. Strum along the unlit paths toward the school’s exit gate…

”Another awkward moment” I whispered.

“What was that?” He responded.

“Nothing, I was just saying…”

“Hey Ryan…can I ask you something?”

“Yeah what is it?”

“Do you feel awkward whenever the two of us walk in the dark…alone?”

I tactlessly asked him, since I thought it was about time to “bond” with my “classmate” and camp partner, and besides, we’ve known each other for some time already, and we never had this kind of talk.

He just replied with another one of his chilling grin and giggled a bit. “What’s wrong with this child” I thought.  Both my hands were locked in my jacket’s pocket, so was Ryan. Somehow I felt secure and needed at the same time. With his well-built body, I know I’ll be safe, with his reserved attitude, I know he needs me.

We were already walking along a muddy path, when…

 I slipped.

“Careful” Ryan was fast enough to grab me, and again he drew me close to his caressing chest. Then suddenly…the winds grew heavier and turned colder, as Ryan helped me get up, flashes of  dark figures passed by the sinister sky. “What was that?” I asked…”crows?” Ryan said…I remembered the task, it said “don’t show any fear, they can smell it, however I couldn’t help but to stumble with fear, after all it was an eerie ambiance to be in the middle of the abandoned woods, and the slip made me more nervous. We stood there for awhile, until I could get my balance, but he didn’t let go, I was safe…in his arms…under the moonlight.

It was about a half an hour walk when we reached the massive gates covered in thick vines of the abandoned school. The grey cat stopped walking.

“We’re here” Ryan said…

“Should we go inside?” I whispered.

I followed him to call out for someone. We were expecting for the caretaker.

“I wasn’t going anywhere, but rather I was pushing myself back to you.

If it was a dream, then I don’t want to see the sun rise, because I know I’m going to wake up alone”

-Excerpt from the Emo Book

Adamantine Myers: Chapter One

Uno

Killer Smile

            “Have you ever tried dipping your fingertips on ice cold water? That freezing sensation that runs from your fingers, to your shoulders, then suddenly your whole body starts shivering?”

 “I have…”

 “Only at this very moment, my whole body’s plunged in freezing water. I could hardly feel my hands nor flutter my feet to go up. But then I thought this might be a good thing,

 Because I was deeply aching inside,

 But still I was in fact, frozen numb, nearly…adamantine”

 It was just a dream… but I could hardly feel my toes as I tucked myself tighter in the blanket,  I could already smell the dawn of sunrise and the blossoming of morning dews…the memories of  my junior year flashed back as I rolled myself on the comfort of my bed…

 Six A.M…that’s when I usually wake up for school; it was a usual lazy morning, but I’ve got no choice, It was the first day to the last year of my High School life, and eventually, became the end of me. From my bed, I knew that year would be different, that I have to do things right, and that I have to make the most of my remaining time as a kid. I wanted to have fun, and I wanted to experience love.

 I walked out daydreaming, took a bath, changed to my uniform, had a little chat with my parents while having breakfast, and waited for Liam Voight, my friend next door who went to the same school with me, we basically grew up together. In school, I’m mostly outspoken, awkward, and usually misunderstood. It was only in college that I’ve accepted my individuality, who I really was. But I found it hard to fit in ‘coz I was different in so many ways.

 I went to a private High School in a small town called Crown Valley, the middle part of the island of Mindanao, it was surrounded by dark forests and misty mountains, we were, so to speak, almost isolated from the world, and although we don’t have much connections from outside the valley, we were economically stable and independent as most of the rich clans all around the Mindanao Archipelago chose to reside there, there were also speculations of wealthy criminals who prefer to hide at the quiet town in peace. The rich clans though discrete, remained very influential in the valley. Santi Sergio e Bacco Academy was the name of my school, (the name literally translates to Saints Sergius and Bacchus Academy) ran by conservative missionaries, we were raised to abide the traditional conducts of the catholic religion.

It was the first day of school, everyone was excited, some were just too overwhelmed with showing their new school supplies off, I preferred recycled stuff (I was an advocate of saving the World from human squandering) some acted as if they have never seen their friends for the longest time, I found it exaggerated…we were greeted by the lavish classic Greek inspired architecture and vast area of green field, “someone’s been cleaning” Liam said. We then parted and went to each others’ classes, I belonged to a special kind of class where the “nerds” were, little did we know were were regarded as “the geeks” in school, we really didn’t mind.

  I have been to that same school  since kindergarten, I only got in ‘coz my mother worked at the Town University as a trustworthy employee, no big deal for me, actually it was more of an advantage ‘coz my teachers knew her, and I get noticed, though I wasn’t the teachers’ pet. The disadvantage is, I have to act appropriately, one mistake could put my family’s name to shame, it was a small town after all, and everyone knew my family. It was hard to remain private; it was a struggle for me.

 More than half of my class belonged to the well known clans in our town, I supposed most of the kids at our school see them as the “geniuses”, but actually, they’re just some typical high school kids who love to joke around and make fun of themselves. All the while I thought I couldn’t ask for more, I loved literature and history, loathed Physics, became very active in school activities, and tried my best to get good grades, but still I felt out of place. I could see myself at the corner of the room listening to my own out of this world thoughts while the others are loud and laughing.

 The day started with the Principal, a missionary brother giving the freshmen and the rest of the school members his welcome message. The rest of the school year went by for me…went to class early, occasionally studied hard, attended swimming practices, went to the library to read fiction, talked to my friends (the geeks) then went to Mrs. Abigail Strum.

“There’s a secret part of me that only you knew,

You felt the pain inside of me, and in this moment of my life, I know that I miss you.

You left me without any reason,

You started ignoring this lonely person,

You were my only friend, my salvation…

Maybe you got tired of my exaggerated confessions”

–Excerpts from the Emo Book

 Every afternoon, when I have no swimming practice, I carry my heavy backpack to the University where my tutor, Mrs. Abigail Strum meets me and about five other students and sometimes on weekends if she thinks there’s a need to. Mrs. Strum, a friend of my mother, is probably the smartest person I’ve ever met, aside from being a Physics Professor, she teaches us Trigonometry, Chemistry and English, she also knows the latest gossip, and the most controversial issues in show business. She also probably knows most of the people in town, well, maybe at her old age, she knows a lot. She’s also the strictest mentor I’ve ever had, and also the most fun, there’s not a boring moment with her around ‘coz she’ll definitely stick a toothpick in your eyes to stop you from feeling drowsy. She did help me a lot.

It was through her how I met Ryan Allaster, a sophomore then, and a competitive martial artist. Actually, we’ve been schoolmates ever since, I just don’t talk to other kids at school that much, I’m just too contented with the kids I’ve been with my whole life. Well, what can I say, the first meeting was awkward, it was supposed to be a one on one session with me and Mrs. Strum.

 It was a warm Monday afternoon in August when I came to see her at her room on the sixth floor of the university’s science building, I laid down my books, we talked for awhile, and she gave me some instructions regarding my homework. Suddenly… he came in with heavy steps, and a heavy bag. It was already around Six in the evening, and sessions starts at Four Thirty, we were at the sixth floor so I could hear him catching his breath when he approached. “ Seat Down and lay your books and notes at the Desk” said Mrs. Strum, I noticed his presence but I was busy answering my Physics homework, plus I was little bit annoyed with his pounding steps and exaggerated breathing that I prefer to ignore him. I was a little introvert that I intend to be a snob than socialize. It was a safe choice to act like I didn’t care.

 I couldn’t help but to raise my head and look at Mrs. Strum while babbling at her new student, she was just too loud, so I rolled my eyes and looked at the boy laying his things on the desk and eventually sat next to me. He was smiling, no, it was an eerie smile, it was a grin, he was grinning while Mrs. Strum continues to babble. I looked at him, he looked at me, I studied his face as he wipes it with a white handkerchief, he looked a little bit mature for his age, I would describe it as edgy, not because it was rough, actually it was smooth despite the shaved traces of facial hair, but he had this strong impression on me, one that you could never forget, A lightning volt struck me, and flowed through him. I got connected, electrocuted.

Then I rolled my eyes and went back to my homework. I was a little intimidated. Too bad I was almost done; he on the other hand was still reading his notes to Mrs. Strum. She noticed I have started packing my things, “Finished Mr. Myers?” she said, “yes Madam”, I replied, “just wait for awhile and we’ll go over your homework later, check it twice if you may, I don’t want to be the one answering your homework” she smothered.

 While waiting, I decided to buy a snack downstairs at the cafeteria, the University was big, one could easily get lost, but I’m exceptionally familiar with the place, since my mum works there. Some Lights had already been turned off, it was already around seven so the halls looked scary, fortunately I arrived at the cafeteria and they were just starting to clean the place up. I bought three of my favourite vanilla filled chocolate cookies, one for me, one for Mrs. Strum, and one for the boy. Mrs. Strum forgot to introduce us, maybe she assumed we already know each other, so I thought I’d introduce myself by giving him a cookie.

 I returned to the sixth floor, handed Mrs. Strum the cookie, she said “Thank you” and smiled graciously as she always does when I Give her something, and handed the cookie to the boy...”Oh Adam, this is Ryan, you two know each other?” she asked, “No” I simply said…the boy said thanks with a slight movement of his mouth. It was close to a smile. It may have seemed too awkward for him that he didn’t even look at me, or maybe because like me, he was intimidated, or shy…maybe he was just shy, I assumed.

 “Alright, let’s see your work” Mrs. Strum reminded, I forgot to check my answers, so I hoped that she wouldn’t scream at me. “WhaAAAt is this???” and she did, “This isn’t the correct equation, go over that again, how am I supposed to check that, you didn’t listen to your teacher again didn’t you?” her voice could probably be overheard downstairs, to think we’re on the sixth floor…”That’s why I have a tutor so I won’t be worried if I didn’t listen” I whispered, Ryan giggled softly, he must’ve heard my silent whim.

It was already Eight Forty Five, I glanced at my watch…there was silence in the room, Ryan was still answering when… “So you’ve finished your homework”, Mrs. Strum took my paper, and skimmed my solutions, “that’s correct, now we may go” she said, “Huh?” Ryan raised his head with a slight confusion on his face…”finish that at home and don’t be late next time” Mrs. Strum told him. So I packed my heavy thick books, so did Mrs. Strum and Ryan, Turned the lights off, and closed the classroom door. We only saw a few lighted rooms that night, but we could hardly see the steps on the stairs, but as I always did, I assisted the old woman down. Mrs. Strum kept asking about how Ryan’s mother and his other relatives our doing, that’s typical of her to pry, Ryan spoke in a soft brisk voice, and he smiled at every remark…

 I could not help but to look at him again, he must have at least an American blood, his hair was clean cut and dark, but kind of curly, his eyes are Asian, sharp at both ends, and he had a fair skin, while I looked more Asian, my mother’s Chinese, and my father has Spanish blood…that’s typical in the Philippines, to have both Spanish and Asian traces on our appearance… 

He was about a few inches taller than me, 5’8 maybe, you could tell he was serious about martial arts through his bulked body…anyway, he seemed to notice me staring, so I looked away, I must admit I was a little bit intimidated or fascinated, I was the total opposite of him, fair skinned, a little bit shorter than him, but I liked my body, I usually spent half of the week swimming so I thought I  was fit, but normally I looked pale and sickly, well I was allergic to a lot of things, even the sudden change of temperature could trigger my allergic reactions, that’s why I chose swimming, ‘coz it’s the only sport where I did’t have to worry about rapid  temperature changes. My body prefers the constant cold from the water.

As we approached the gates, I noticed him glance and smile…of course I smiled back, I thought if we were going to have the same schedule with Mrs. Strum, I might as well be friendly. After all, he seemed harmless.

   Outside we saw Mr. Strum in his old car, he was waiting for our tutor, so Ryan and I bid Mrs. Strum goodbye, she looked at us and said “Go home safe and be there on Wednesday” (We had an M-W-F and Saturday night schedule). Ryan and I were already alone. I asked him first, since I was the senior, “so where do you live?”, “at St. Michael’s” he answered, “oh, that’s the opposite direction to mine, I live in the suburbs, so you go ahead” I told him commandingly. As we parted, he waved and said “alright, thank you and take care, bye” with another sweet smile and beaming eyes…he doesn’t talk much…but when he does, I felt the sincerity and seriousness of his soul. I was almost attached to him…I waved back and bid him goodbye.

The night turned cold and darker, then I realized I was walking along the pavements alone again, another one of those melancholic moments I usually have. I was thinking of the things I could have had, and that as I was close to the end of my teenage life, I still haven’t found myself yet, where I belong…and I was still longing for someone to be with me. Shallow desires. Unfortunately I went home alive.

 I jumped in to my bed and hoped to fall asleep. I thought of him for a while, his killer smile just flashed back into my mind, I couldn’t seem to figure out what was in him that interested me, but there was definitely something…

ADAMANTINE MYERS: Introduction

OST to Adamantine myers...by Death Cab for Cutie 

Adamantine Myers

Introduction

‘There isn’t any single rational reason, beyond the vagueness of reality, to wake up in the morning, and having the drive to be all so well, most of all, going to school, and pretending to be alive. Confusing, but true.”

-          Excerpt from the Emo Book.

“Have you ever tried dipping your fingertips in ice cold water? That paralyzing sensation that runs from your fingers, to your shoulders, then suddenly your whole body starts shivering?”

“I have…”

“Only at this very moment, my whole body’s plunged in freezing water. I could hardly feel my hands nor flutter my feet to rise up. But then I thought this might be a good thing,

Because I was deeply aching inside,

But still I was in fact, frozen numb, my heart, nearly…adamantine.”

Call me Adamantine Myers, not my real name, status - single, alone and unhappy. Just imagine how you look like on a usual lazy Sunday; you woke up late, grabbed a cup of coffee, you walked straight to the couch and watched an epic episode of adventure time on cartoon network and paid no attention on any decent practice of personal hygiene, well I mostly look like that, only, I look like that every day, not just on Sundays.

I have a proper excuse for looking fidgety, I’m in college.

Now you might think I’m the most miserable guy on earth based on my description…I just simply thought of the things that could best describe me, so I came up with such fed-up words. Despite me being explicitly wretched, I try not to suck out the fun from everyone. I also see myself quite wild, and I believe I have quite a gratifying humour. Yeah, I know what you think, I’m just one of the “Unpredictable types”.

“Having fun is far different from being happy.”

Honestly speaking…I might sound overtly shallow, but I haven’t been truly happy for three years now, I counted. Ever since I broke up with my first ever “special someone” three years ago, I’ve never experienced another daydreaming because of late night hi’s and early hello’s.

For other people, happiness is being with their families, being rich and wealthy, being successful, or just being fully contented with what they have. You might think I’m too shallow, but happiness for me is being with people or with that “special someone” who loves and cares for me as I do to them.

Whatever right? No one cares. If you’ve been wondering how my life became this fed-up, well it all started at the most awkward years for most of us, HIGH SCHOOL…

I’ve rehearsed a thousand times

To amend this broken heart of mine,

I kept thinking what’s on your mind,

I just can’t hear the words you say behind.

This sacrifice I give to you,

Will light the path in your journey out of the blue,

Whatever happens I’d still love you.

Though I know I’ll get nothing from you,

I’m still hoping for a love that’s true.

-Excerpts from the Emo book

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