Uno
Killer Smile
“Have
you ever tried dipping your fingertips on ice cold water? That freezing
sensation that runs from your fingers, to your shoulders, then suddenly your
whole body starts shivering?”
“I
have…”
“Only
at this very moment, my whole body’s plunged in freezing water. I could hardly
feel my hands nor flutter my feet to go up. But then I thought this might be a
good thing,
Because
I was deeply aching inside,
But still
I was in fact, frozen numb, nearly…adamantine”
It was
just a dream… but I could hardly feel my toes as I tucked myself tighter in the
blanket, I could already smell the dawn
of sunrise and the blossoming of morning dews…the memories of my junior year flashed back as I rolled
myself on the comfort of my bed…
Six
A.M…that’s when I usually wake up for school; it was a usual lazy morning, but
I’ve got no choice, It was the first day to the last year of my High School
life, and eventually, became the end of me. From my bed, I knew that year would
be different, that I have to do things right, and that I have to make the most
of my remaining time as a kid. I wanted to have fun, and I wanted to experience
love.
I walked out daydreaming, took
a bath, changed to my uniform, had a little chat with my parents while having
breakfast, and waited for Liam Voight, my friend next door who went to the same
school with me, we basically grew up together. In school, I’m mostly outspoken,
awkward, and usually misunderstood. It was only in college that I’ve accepted
my individuality, who I really was. But I found it hard to fit in ‘coz I was
different in so many ways.
I went to a private High School
in a small town called Crown Valley, the middle part of the island of Mindanao,
it was surrounded by dark forests and misty mountains, we were, so to speak,
almost isolated from the world, and although we don’t have much connections
from outside the valley, we were economically stable and independent as most of
the rich clans all around the Mindanao Archipelago chose to reside there, there
were also speculations of wealthy criminals who prefer to hide at the quiet
town in peace. The rich clans though discrete, remained very influential in the
valley. Santi Sergio e Bacco Academy was the name of my school, (the name
literally translates to Saints Sergius and Bacchus Academy) ran by conservative
missionaries, we were raised to abide the traditional conducts of the catholic
religion.
It was the first day of school, everyone
was excited, some were just too overwhelmed with showing their new school
supplies off, I preferred recycled stuff (I was an advocate of saving the World
from human squandering) some acted as if they have never seen their friends for
the longest time, I found it exaggerated…we were greeted by the lavish classic
Greek inspired architecture and vast area of green field, “someone’s been
cleaning” Liam said. We then parted and went to each others’ classes, I
belonged to a special kind of class where the “nerds” were, little did we know
were were regarded as “the geeks” in school, we really didn’t mind.
I have been to that same school since kindergarten, I only got in ‘coz my
mother worked at the Town University as a trustworthy employee, no big deal for
me, actually it was more of an advantage ‘coz my teachers knew her, and I get
noticed, though I wasn’t the teachers’ pet. The disadvantage is, I have to act
appropriately, one mistake could put my family’s name to shame, it was a small
town after all, and everyone knew my family. It was hard to remain private; it
was a struggle for me.
More
than half of my class belonged to the well known clans in our town, I supposed
most of the kids at our school see them as the “geniuses”, but actually,
they’re just some typical high school kids who love to joke around and make fun
of themselves. All the while I thought I couldn’t ask for more, I loved
literature and history, loathed Physics, became very active in school
activities, and tried my best to get good grades, but still I felt out of
place. I could see myself at the corner of the room listening to my own out of
this world thoughts while the others are loud and laughing.
The day
started with the Principal, a missionary brother giving the freshmen and the
rest of the school members his welcome message. The rest of the school year
went by for me…went to class early, occasionally studied hard, attended
swimming practices, went to the library to read fiction, talked to my friends
(the geeks) then went to Mrs. Abigail Strum.
“There’s a secret part of me that only you knew,
You felt the pain inside of me,
and in this moment of my life, I know that I miss you.
You left me without any reason,
You started ignoring this lonely
person,
You were my only friend, my
salvation…
Maybe you got tired of my
exaggerated confessions”
–Excerpts from the Emo
Book
Every afternoon,
when I have no swimming practice, I carry my heavy backpack to the University
where my tutor, Mrs. Abigail Strum meets me and about five other students and
sometimes on weekends if she thinks there’s a need to. Mrs. Strum, a friend of
my mother, is probably the smartest person I’ve ever met, aside from being a
Physics Professor, she teaches us Trigonometry, Chemistry and English, she also
knows the latest gossip, and the most controversial issues in show business. She
also probably knows most of the people in town, well, maybe at her old age, she
knows a lot. She’s also the strictest mentor I’ve ever had, and also the most
fun, there’s not a boring moment with her around ‘coz she’ll definitely stick a
toothpick in your eyes to stop you from feeling drowsy. She did help me a lot.
It was through her how I met Ryan Allaster,
a sophomore then, and a competitive martial artist. Actually, we’ve been
schoolmates ever since, I just don’t talk to other kids at school that much,
I’m just too contented with the kids I’ve been with my whole life. Well, what
can I say, the first meeting was awkward, it was supposed to be a one on one
session with me and Mrs. Strum.
It was
a warm Monday afternoon in August when I came to see her at her room on the
sixth floor of the university’s science building, I laid down my books, we
talked for awhile, and she gave me some instructions regarding my homework.
Suddenly… he came in with heavy steps, and a heavy bag. It was already around
Six in the evening, and sessions starts at Four Thirty, we were at the sixth
floor so I could hear him catching his breath when he approached. “ Seat Down
and lay your books and notes at the Desk” said Mrs. Strum, I noticed his
presence but I was busy answering my Physics homework, plus I was little bit
annoyed with his pounding steps and exaggerated breathing that I prefer to
ignore him. I was a little introvert that I intend to be a snob than socialize.
It was a safe choice to act like I didn’t care.
I couldn’t help
but to raise my head and look at Mrs. Strum while babbling at her new student,
she was just too loud, so I rolled my eyes and looked at the boy laying his
things on the desk and eventually sat next to me. He was smiling, no, it was an
eerie smile, it was a grin, he was grinning while Mrs. Strum continues to
babble. I looked at him, he looked at me, I studied his face as he wipes it
with a white handkerchief, he looked a little bit mature for his age, I would
describe it as edgy, not because it was rough, actually it was smooth despite
the shaved traces of facial hair, but he had this strong impression on me, one
that you could never forget, A lightning volt struck me, and flowed through
him. I got connected, electrocuted.
Then I rolled my eyes and went back to my
homework. I was a little intimidated. Too bad I was almost done; he on the
other hand was still reading his notes to Mrs. Strum. She noticed I have
started packing my things, “Finished Mr. Myers?” she said, “yes Madam”, I
replied, “just wait for awhile and we’ll go over your homework later, check it
twice if you may, I don’t want to be the one answering your homework” she
smothered.
While
waiting, I decided to buy a snack downstairs at the cafeteria, the University
was big, one could easily get lost, but I’m exceptionally familiar with the
place, since my mum works there. Some Lights had already been turned off, it
was already around seven so the halls looked scary, fortunately I arrived at
the cafeteria and they were just starting to clean the place up. I bought three
of my favourite vanilla filled chocolate cookies, one for me, one for Mrs.
Strum, and one for the boy. Mrs. Strum forgot to introduce us, maybe she
assumed we already know each other, so I thought I’d introduce myself by giving
him a cookie.
I
returned to the sixth floor, handed Mrs. Strum the cookie, she said “Thank you”
and smiled graciously as she always does when I Give her something, and handed
the cookie to the boy...”Oh Adam, this is Ryan, you two know each other?” she
asked, “No” I simply said…the boy said thanks with a slight movement of his
mouth. It was close to a smile. It may have seemed too awkward for him that he
didn’t even look at me, or maybe because like me, he was intimidated, or
shy…maybe he was just shy, I assumed.
“Alright,
let’s see your work” Mrs. Strum reminded, I forgot to check my answers, so I
hoped that she wouldn’t scream at me. “WhaAAAt is this???” and she did, “This
isn’t the correct equation, go over that again, how am I supposed to check
that, you didn’t listen to your teacher again didn’t you?” her voice could
probably be overheard downstairs, to think we’re on the sixth floor…”That’s why
I have a tutor so I won’t be worried if I didn’t listen” I whispered, Ryan giggled
softly, he must’ve heard my silent whim.
It was already Eight Forty Five, I glanced
at my watch…there was silence in the room, Ryan was still answering when… “So
you’ve finished your homework”, Mrs. Strum took my paper, and skimmed my
solutions, “that’s correct, now we may go” she said, “Huh?” Ryan raised his
head with a slight confusion on his face…”finish that at home and don’t be late
next time” Mrs. Strum told him. So I packed my heavy thick books, so did Mrs.
Strum and Ryan, Turned the lights off, and closed the classroom door. We only
saw a few lighted rooms that night, but we could hardly see the steps on the
stairs, but as I always did, I assisted the old woman down. Mrs. Strum kept
asking about how Ryan’s mother and his other relatives our doing, that’s
typical of her to pry, Ryan spoke in a soft brisk voice, and he smiled at every
remark…
I could not help but to look at him
again, he must have at least an American blood, his hair was clean cut and
dark, but kind of curly, his eyes are Asian, sharp at both ends, and he had a fair
skin, while I looked more Asian, my mother’s Chinese, and my father has Spanish
blood…that’s typical in the Philippines, to have both Spanish and Asian traces
on our appearance…
He was about a few inches taller than me,
5’8 maybe, you could tell he was serious about martial arts through his bulked
body…anyway, he seemed to notice me staring, so I looked away, I must admit I
was a little bit intimidated or fascinated, I was the total opposite of him,
fair skinned, a little bit shorter than him, but I liked my body, I usually
spent half of the week swimming so I thought I
was fit, but normally I looked pale and sickly, well I was allergic to a
lot of things, even the sudden change of temperature could trigger my allergic
reactions, that’s why I chose swimming, ‘coz it’s the only sport where I did’t
have to worry about rapid temperature
changes. My body prefers the constant cold from the water.
As we approached the gates, I noticed him
glance and smile…of course I smiled back, I thought if we were going to have
the same schedule with Mrs. Strum, I might as well be friendly. After all, he
seemed harmless.
Outside we saw Mr. Strum
in his old car, he was waiting for our tutor, so Ryan and I bid Mrs. Strum
goodbye, she looked at us and said “Go home safe and be there on Wednesday” (We
had an M-W-F and Saturday night schedule). Ryan and I were already alone. I
asked him first, since I was the senior, “so where do you live?”, “at St.
Michael’s” he answered, “oh, that’s the opposite direction to mine, I live in
the suburbs, so you go ahead” I told him commandingly. As we parted, he waved
and said “alright, thank you and take care, bye” with another sweet smile and
beaming eyes…he doesn’t talk much…but when he does, I felt the sincerity and
seriousness of his soul. I was almost attached to him…I waved back and bid him
goodbye.
The night turned cold and darker, then I
realized I was walking along the pavements alone again, another one of those
melancholic moments I usually have. I was thinking of the things I could have
had, and that as I was close to the end of my teenage life, I still haven’t
found myself yet, where I belong…and I was still longing for someone to be with
me. Shallow desires. Unfortunately I went home alive.
I jumped in to my bed and hoped to
fall asleep. I thought of him for a while, his killer smile just flashed back
into my mind, I couldn’t seem to figure out what was in him that interested me,
but there was definitely something…
